Gravity Row
by The Cowardly Christian
Summary: "My parents want me dead" Thinks Dipper as he's sent to Stilwater...the land were saints sing...and Pimps get caped!
1. Chapter 1

Gravity Row

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

 _Our parents want us dead._ Thought Dipper Pines to himself. This was the only logical conclusion he could come to about why his parents sent him and Mabel to live with their Grunkle Stan in Stilwater...who also works as a low-level "cleaner" for the infamous Saints Row gang.

Dipper shuddered. How was it possible to kill so many people in one day? He thought as memories of all truckloads of horribly mangled corpses that were sent to Stan daily to 'process'(which really just meant looting every orifice for valuables and throwing them in the incinerator). Seriously, some days their were enough corpses to fill a small country! How was this town not already a depopulated ghost town?!

The only good thing was that Stans low-level job made sure that they were far away from the apparently daily carnage that took place in the town or anyone high-ranking in the Saints...so of course-

…...

WERE GOING TO THE BOSS'S MANSION!?

Screamed both twins in horror. Stan smiled. "Isn't great!? Apparently all the cleaners above me tried to sell out the Boss to a rival gang! He killed the lot of them and now his mansion is a mess! HA! I'm moving on to the big leagues now!"

The twins just remained deathly pale. "Uh...Grunkle Stan?...Not that that doesn't sound great...But why are you bringing me and Mabel along?"

Stan rolled his eyes. "Well you don't expect an old man like me to carry around all several thousand of those corpses myself?"

Dipper looked at him incredulous. "Are you seriously- Were just kids! What about child safety laws?"

Stan chuckles as he ruffles Dippers hair. "It's cute you believe those still exists kid"...

…...

And that's how Dipper found himself moping up bloody entrails, and pulling shrapnel out of the walls.

Dipper vomited into his bucket at the sight of yet another corpse that had been clearly desecrated by the saints.

 _Well at least all the Saints are away in business._ Thinks Dipper to himself as he moves on to what appeard to be a bathroom. _Yeah, Dipper. All the homicidal maniacs are nowhere near here._ Thinks Dipper to himself in an attempt to reassure himself. _Right, just clean this up as fast as possible and leave before they get back...then later tonight...Let's be honest this whole things been a nightmare, it's time to go. Just take Mabel and run as far away from this cursed town-_

That's when he heard the cough. Broken free from his inner thoughts, he turned around. The first thing he saw was the Saints Row tattoo that marked a person as a member...then he saw the teenage redhead girl who it was attached to...what he didn't see was her clothes...

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

 **Also don't forget to give a shout out to my mom's birthday story on my page!**

 **AN: I know it says "in-progress" but really I just don't like boxing myself into a corner. For now this is more of a one-shot that I might continue one day...but probably won't.**

 **But, hey. Feel free to use whatever elements you want from this, if you want! Or maybe give me ideas?**

 **Love me, flame me, review me**


	2. Chapter 2

Gravity Row ch.2

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

"-Sorry! Sorry! I didn't realize anyone was in here!" Shouted a frantic, flustered Dipper as he tried to beat a hasty retreat out of the sauna and away from the gorgeous, naked, redheaded saint.

"Wait." A single softly-spoken word...yet it held so much power behind it! Dipper couldn't help but freeze!

The girl chuckled. "You haven't paid me yet." "P-pay?" Asked a confused and flustered Dipper as he desperately kept his eyes locked on her eyes and nothing else.

She nodded. "Yeah, this show ain't for free y'know?" She explained as she gestured at her body. Embarrassed, Dipper tried to comply. He fished through his pockets. "Uh...all I have is 3 dollars and 32 cents...and a paperclip."

The girl shakes her head amused. "Yeah...that's not gonna cover it...perhaps a trade?" She asks in a playful manner. Feeling very much like a mouse cornered by a cat...Dipper could only agree.

The girl rubbed her hands excitedly. "Right! So it's agreed then! Since I showed you mine, you show me yours!" Dipper turned crimson. "I-I Beg your pardon?" The girl shrugged. "You heard me. Strip!"

Dipper took another look at her saints tattoo, with memories of corpses dancing in his head all the while...it wasn't hard for self-preservation to overcome dignity. Dipper groaned as he tried to get it over with as quickly- "Ah! Ah!" Chastised the girl playfully. "Slowly... Make me forget my troubles." She winked in a flirty way.

Dipper...Dipper did as he was told. Soon he had nothing but his cap covering his privates. The girl whistled as she looked him up and down. "Wow...your a scrawny thing aren't you?...and pasty too!" Seriously you need some sun something fierce." An unbelievably mortified Dipper slowly began to slink backward.

"Well, okay. Glad you enjoyed it. Nice to meet you, but gotta run-"

 **THINK FAST!**

Shouts Wendy as she tosses something. Dipper instinctively puts up his hands to cover his face. Only for a small rubber ball to slightly smack him. To Dippers horror, he realized he'd been played. As he just exposed himself completely to the girl...who was now laughing hysterically at his "less-then-average-genitals."

Humiliated and depressed, a sulky Dipper turned to leave. Only to be suddenly grabbed in sensitive areas. "Hold on there, boy." Whispered the girl into his ear. Her warm breath made Dippers heart race. "You've given me way too much, we need to discuss your change." Before Dipper could respond he found himself forcibly dragged back into the room...

…...several hours later...

"-Dipper where have you been?" Exclaimed Mabel as a disoriented Dipper finally made his way to the car. Suddenly, she couldn't help but sniff the air. "Ugh! And why do you smell like sweat, tears, shame, and salt?"

Stan chuckled as he put down the phone he'd been talking to. "I think I know why." He turned to Dipper. "Congratulations boy! That was the Boss's daughter, Wendy! Apparently she 'enjoyed' you so much, she's promoting you to her f***boy! You lucky dog you!"

Dipper was...conflicted. Mabel, although not really understanding what was going on...vomited regardless.

"Aren't their anti-predator laws that prevent this?" Asks a still very confused Dipper. Stan shrugged. "Kid the cops gave up enforcing those laws years ago"...

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

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	3. Chapter 3

Gravity Row ch. 3

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

Dipper moaned in pain as he put a large bag of ice on his testicles...3 nights! 3 Flipping nights! Wendy had **** him! His legs felt ready to break, seriously who had that kind of endurance!?...Apparently, Wendy did.

It had been several weeks since Wendy 'hired' him...and he still didn't know what to think...on the one hand she was into some messed up stuff...on the other hand...he was having this stuff done to him by a beautiful, older girl... _It is not okay that that one fact balances out all the bad._ Thought Dipper to himself...as he wondered for the umpteenth time if something was seriously wrong with him...still at least he wasn't tied and gagged. Smiled Dipper as he looked over to his twin sister predicament.

After learning that Josh Birk(AKA Nyteblade) was coming to town...Mabel almost immediately ended up having a restraining order filed against her(again). This not being enough of a deterrent, the Saints were forced to tie her up.

Wendy, exhausted from trying(and failing) to break Shandi's record for longest f***...was fast asleep on a nearby couch. He knew she'd be disappointed that she missed out on participating in robbing that new bank that opened up downtown...but for now...she was just so beautiful...you could almost forget about her homicidal tendencies.

Stan meanwhile was counting up all the money he'd made as the new head 'cleaner'.

YEAH! Stan's on top of the world baby! WOO!

 **CRASH!**

Several cans filled with gas smash through the windows. "I still consider this a victory!" Shouts Stan before he and everyone else passes out.

…...

When they woke up they found themselves in a jail cell surrounded by police. "What the frack is this!?" Screamed Wendy irritated. "We paid up this month!" "Someone paid more." Stated the policeman flatly.

Suddenly the door opened and two beautiful blonde teenage twins entered the room.

The Northwest twins; Pacifica and Lebam smiled at the haul. "Load them onto the plane with the others, father thinks she'll make good leverage. The others...we'll the Morningstars could always use some extra sex slaves..."

Before anyone knew what was happening, they found themselves leaving Stilwater...and flying to Gravity Falls...

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

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	4. Chapter 4

Gravity Row ch. 4

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

The pines family and Wendy found themselves locked down below in a jumbo-jet. "As we speak our father is 'persuading' your father to surrender 66% of his assets to the Syndicate in the room above." Said Pacifica smugly.

Wendy chuckled from inside her cell. "Yeah, that's going to happen...NOT!"

Lebam shrugged. "Then we'll kill them, and start 'persuading' you...and if you won't comply we'll kill you too and take over Stilwater the hard way...Honestly, it's the same to us either way...But unlike you savages we try to do things civilized." She mocked.

Pacifica nodded. "But in the mean time...I'm curious about you Dipper Pines." Dipper looked at her surprised. "Really? Why?" He asked flustered.

Pacifica smirked. "Why if the pictures are accurate...I mean that's gotta be photoshoped, there's no way for a guy to possibly have a wang that tiny."

Dipper turned scarlet with embarrassment...then rage! He angrily turned to Wendy. "You told me you had those photos deleted!?" Screamed Dipper in an accusatory manner.

Wendy held up her hands in a placating manner. "In my defense, I was very drunk when I promised that." She said honestly.

Lebam shrugged. "Whatever, I guess it's something to do." She admitted in a bored manner. Before Dipper knew what was happening, he found himself being taken out of the cage and dragged out of the room.

"Hey!" Shouted Wendy. "Don't you dare **** him up! He's mine! Only I get to do that!"

Dipper glared. "Oh, wow. Thanks for those kind words Wendy. Nice to know you care." Said Dipper sarcastically.

While all this was going on, Stan went through their options...things didn't look good. He needed to get his family out of here!

Stan sighed. _I guess there's no choice...I'll have to use_ _ **that.**_ Thought Stan as he discretely pulled out a weird looking journal. He quickly flipped through it. _Okay...this isn't so bad...doesn't seem too complicated...What was I ever worried about?_

Stan quietly reads out the incantation: "MOOBAK! MOOBAK!"

 **KABOOM!**

The plane was falling to pieces!...everyone found themselves falling right onto Gravity Falls...and not a parachute to be found...

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

 **AN: Just to be clear: In this story Gravity Falls is basically a supernatural Steelport.**

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